AI3. Four left. Disco

Last week… what happened last week? Oh right. George got eliminated on Big Boring Band Night. Bye, George.

Tonight, after the usual idiotic joke introductions from Ryan, it’s time to do-do it to Disco.

Guest Judge Donna Summer looks good I guess, for a great-grandma. Someone at RTVT said she’s a devout Christian. Oh, is that what explains the slightly pinched, disapproving face just beneath the veneer of smarmy platitudes? Have I mentioned lately that I’m fed up with guest judges?  Anyway, I wouldn’t have recognized her if I’d tuned in half way through, without someone referring to her as Donna Summer. Her career is rehashed for all the viewers, including those whose parents weren’t even born when Disco was Big.

God, I’m old. I remember disco. I used to have platform shoes that I never actually wore to go dancing I wore them to hang around with my friend, climbing trees and fences. Teenagers were stupid in the ‘70s, too.

For her opener, Jasmine Trias excretes “Everlasting Love.”  She says, “Come on everybody,” a sure-fire way to further alienate her non-fans. I don’t wanna come on, Jasmine.  Her hair has been crimped for the mid-section and it doesn't bother me. She’s chosen a tight black dress. It might be leather but it’s probably pleather. I guess the look is disco. It’s ugly enough.

I’m so mean today. It’s actually not a bad looking outfit, not the worst she’s ever selected. But then there are a few outfits vying for the title of Worst Outfit of the Season, and no, I’m not going to dredge up their memories. I know I should. We could all do with a good laugh. Okay - here's one that comes to mind: George’s red-striped shirt that made him look like a Baskin-Robbins employee. He even did extra dipping that evening.

I like Jasmine’s hair but it looks best straight. The crimping feels genre-appropriate even though it probably isn't genre appropriate. Wasn’t hair-crimping a Big Band era thing? Or maybe it was an 80s hair band thing. Whatever. Disco is so long ago and I never crimped my hair. I don’t even remember the outfits I used to wear. Disco is really all about the dancing. I just threw on some clothes and shoes in which I could throw myself around the dance floor and went out to a local disco.

Speaking of dancing, one might call Jasmine’s movements “dancing” if one were a tree.  I call it stumping. Her dress is cut at the wrong length, making her calves seem extra thick & stumpy. As she stumps around, I notice the slit up one side of the dress, adorned by a kitschy purple lightning appliqué.  But the dress is better than the dancing & singing.

The singing.  Mr. AMAI goes, “Oh god” in a tone intended to convey something other than appreciation.  I try to identify what it is that’s wrong with the singing. Maybe those are flat notes, or what has been called “pitchy.”  The only thing I know for sure is that 3 cats howling outside would be an improvement. Mr. AMAI charitably thinks she may be coming down with a cold.

Simon judges first for a change. He thinks she knows she’s vulnerable and after that bad song choice & weak performance, his view is she’s definitely gone. Uh oh. Thanks, Simon. If her fans phone up in droves, we could have to listen to her some more, next week.  This kind of damage can’t be fixed by having Summerbot and PaulaBot lather on the mindless praise.

But wait. I have breaking news, or I would have if this were a play-by-play. Just for Jasmine, the women have elected to go with “honesty.” Donna talks of pitch problems being something to expect when “you” are performing for a huge crowd. Maybe she really means herself? Or maybe she really means Jasmine when she employs the catchall “you.” Nobody else has pitch problems and they all performed for the same audience.  Nobody was sequestered in a small intimate club with a handful of patrons knocking back booze and munching on free peanuts. Paula gives props to the dress, and agrees it was bad. Randy agrees with Simon.

As Ryan does his shtick, desperate to appear cool (he’s taken to calling Jasmine, “Jazz” fer cryin’ out loud), I finally look at him for the first time in weeks, possibly even months. Ryan Seacrest is getting fat. His face has lost that lean hungry look, and he looks like the cat that had two or three bowls of cream and a side of canary.

LaToya London does “Love You Inside & Out.” I guess I wasn’t in discos as much as I thought I. This song is completely unfamiliar. Is it one of those filler tracks that appeared on a Donna Summer album but never got released as a single? The dress is stretch Lycra in a plum/eggplant colour and she has the curves to fill it out, without unsightly lumps and bumps and rolls of pudge. She’s no stick, she’s got a booty, but she looks good. Earrings are dream-catcher hoops with 20 strands of silver spaghetti hanging to dry off each one.

I find myself wondering about her relationship with her husband. I’m assuming she’s singing this song to him – doesn’t he inspire more passion than this?  It was kind of bland and easily missed.

Simon wishes she’d tried something different. Yeah, that’s it, something different. Donna thought LaToya emoted and did a great job. Paula’s huge smile is starting to weird me out. She thinks she’s looking at the next American Table, oops I mean Idol.  Randy says it was nothing special. That must be my problem too.

I’m losing hope that I shall ever experience the WOW for LaToya as a finalist that I experienced from one of her earliest performances, of “It’s Almost Like Being in Love.” That was the last time LaToya really wowed me.

Being consistent just doesn’t seem to go hand in hand in the same person with being exciting and thrilling. Nobody can deliver exciting thrills time after time. I think we have seen solid steady professionalism on a consistent basis. LaToya is proof. A performer who can lift you higher than you thought possible will also fail to deliver from time to time and sometimes you’ll be disappointed. “Slow & steady” is not deserving of my vote for the #1 spot, when there are two performers who can deliver thrilling performances.

Her professional polish has become a liability, in my view, because she isn’t standing out at this crucial point in the competition. There’s going for a marathon and there’s leaving your run too late.

Fantasia Barrino performs Amy Stewart’s “Knock On Wood.” She’s in jeans, with a one-shoulder hot pink & black top. She’s got a belly button ring. Big pink earrings. There are a lot of yeah yeahs. She finishes up with a sultry glance at the end. It’s pretty good, but it’s not her best. I’m afraid I’ve been saying that a little much lately.

Simon pretzels, “The person who should win is somebody who is different. And what you have is you are different.”  But I am idiotically pleased because Simon likes the one who has been my favorite for a long time. DonnaBot blathers on and on about Fantasia’s wonderful qualities. It seems phony to me, coming as it does from a guest judge who doesn’t give the impression she’s really been watching all season. Her hundred positive comments are meaningless accolades layered on without context. PaulaBot babbles but that’s par for her course. Randy hits the nail on the head when he says to Fantasia, “Dude, you got it going on.”  Calling her “dude” seems appropriate. There is something kind of butch about her.

The song was pretty good, but again not one of her “wow” performances. I think the problem from the perspective of song choice is that mainly, disco sucks. It’s not a genre particularly well suited to showcasing singers, since it’s more about fast music for dancing. Oh well, let’s push forward.

Diana Degarmo’s first performance is “This Is It.” She wants us up and on our feet, as always. Not even for you, Diana. I’m worn out by Survivor.  But I do commend her outfit here: a very pretty pink dress that fits well, shows off her big tits without accentuating her tummy. She looks curvy and womanly without looking slutty or even particularly chubby. Excellent outfit.

She’s belting out the song. It’s one of her better performances, but not an A grade. Minimum solid B.

Simon has wonderful praise for her: he no longer thinks she’s too young for this competition. She has shown the most growth. The Bot Sisters babble and whatever Randy said slid right by me. It was probably positive, because Simon’s comment was.

We’ve been having a lot of ad breaks, as always. I didn’t bother to note when or how many. I only know that at some points there were ads, and at other points there was singing. One time, we got super-sized: two songs without an intervening ad break. There was probably an ad break just now. Now they start the rotation over to see who, if anyone, can deliver a “WOW” performance.

Jasmine wants us all dancing. She’s changed outfits; now she has a pink top and blue jeans. Her choice: “It’s Raining Men.”  How appropriate. Jasmine actually sounds good. For the first time ever I really think she might have a future as a singer and it might even be within my ability to remember her when she breaks out with her first single.  I didn’t notice that she missed lyrics, because I got distracted by Mr. AMAI’s game of Castlevania.

Simon didn’t like the choice of song. The Bots followed his lead and harped on about pitch and missed lyrics and I don’t know what else. Randy treats the other comments like a buffet table and selects a little of this and a little of that. Jazz is crying and we get a close-up of the tears falling as Ryan gives her a hug.

“Don’t Leave Me This Way” is LaToya’s second choice. Short denim skirt, white jacket and a woolen something. Actually this was pretty good, one of her better songs. Not wow-worthy, but if she’s going to start her run for the finish line, every performance from here on in has to show depth and connect with more people. Simon liked it, saying “that was more like it.” It was also as “good as the original.” Donna: “Fabulous.” Paula: “Stunning.” Randy “Props for you.” Producers: running short on time.

Fantasia’s second song is “Holding Out For A Hero.” Is this even Disco? Does Fantasia have a problem selecting songs from the given genre? Do her fans even care?

For this number she is in black. Orange round circle earrings. The midriff bearing look isn’t her best.  However, I did like her performance of this song. Yea. Woo! Which would be “half a wow.” Simon didn’t like it and Fantasia backchats, “I’m lookin’ for a good man.” The Bot sisters agree, with Donna adding she would love Fantasia singing the newspaper (or was that the phone book?) Paula didn’t like the song either but I don’t believe anything out of her anymore. She always has so much more praise for the less charismatic and barely talented. Randy says, “No matter what song you choose, you can sing.” I agree with that.  Fantasia is still my favorite at the moment.

Diana does Donna Summer’s “No More Tears.” She’s also changed into a black outfit comprised of a sparkly top and matt black pants.

To begin the quiet intro part, Diana is seated at the edge of the stage on that little step that has seen quite a bit of action this season. Then she gets up, and as the song picks up, she grabs it and takes it & us for a real roller coaster ride. She really blows me away. This awesome performance gets my vote for best of the night. Her voice has gone from strength to strength. Diana is my new favorite. Again. As you may be aware, I’ve liked her throughout, but she had some shaky weeks. Also, just when the others are leveling off, with no extra ability to pull out of seeming nowhere, Diana demonstrates she has a fifth gear and knows how to move into it.

Simon gives total respect for her control of the song. Summer says she dedicated herself to it. And more blah blah from Paula and Randy, which I miss because I’m having to argue with Mr. AMAI, who is taking it personally that I like this song. Diana’s performance inspired me to want to take charge in any situation that has me feeling down, used & abused. And I was thinking of work stuff, and of my friend who’s having her own problems. It was a great performance. I am beginning to think that Diana could win the whole thing and that she would deserve to.

Concluding Remarks.  Overall, I’m a little tired of this show. I may be getting tired of reality TV in general. Perhaps it’s just the spectre of my far from finished Survivor finale recap that’s got me feeling blah.  But the genres of music are generally sucking and one “wow” performance out of 8 songs is not enough.

With Diana having Best of the Night, I’d have to say the only other performance that I really liked was, funnily enough, Jasmine’s “It’s Raining Men.” I thought it was her personal best. I’m probably in the minority on this. It’ll be ironic if she gets booted this week.

I rate Diana the best, LaToya and Fantasia equal second place and Jasmine seriously inconsistent and out of her league. She deserves to leave; however, I will not be surprised if LaToya is eliminated. No. Wait a sec. Actually, I will be surprised if her fan base deserts her now. What I mean is I won’t be disappointed. A final two of Diana v. Fantasia would be awesome. These two are willing to take risks. When they deliver a fabulous performance, they knock it out of the stadium.

Thanks for reading.