Operation Going About: Why Ban Coercion?

Rights cannot be protected when the mechanism for defining the legal use of force in a retaliatory capacity is instead being used to grant permission to use initiatory force. 

The first step is to decline to implement even a tiny tax to pay for defense.  Yes defense is important but only when paid for voluntarily. A new country needs to know that whenever it happens, the first free country to ban coercion and declare itself as such will attract enemies and have to have defenses and to have prepared for the existence of enemies. Coercion cannot achieve a proper defense. Free individuals pay for defense because they value their freedom and have their freedom. The price of freedom cannot be enslavement. So there is no need to implement a tax for defense.

Caring for the sick, educating the young, building homes and roads and arenas all are the work of individuals working together voluntarily, with no-one being coerced.

The proper services of government are well paid for in a modern country via the superior court system of contract registration so that contractual rights and responsibilities may be recorded and insured against default, fraud and non-performance and the like. In this way, as more and more individuals and companies care about securing themselves, so they will make their own safety nets which will become real honest and working safety nets that meet individuals' needs by their own judgment and if they don't it's those individuals' responsibility to fix it for themselves. The system has to be geared towards the needs of the productive, not the unproductive. The more it is so geared, the more incentive there is to become productive.

Such nets are more insulated against extreme adverse reactions to changes in population. This is especially important when population numbers decline just as a larger number is reaching old age and the young generations are fewer in number. Doing more with less is only doable when individuals are free to make their individual choices and live their own lives. Even done voluntarily, trying to get one person to make decisions for a large number of people is bound to miss the mark for some people. But this system is more likely to miss the Next Big Thing, which would have benefited all our lives, had the decision been left to the individuals, who would work with and perfect a given process or product before even suggesting that others may find it helpful.  

When individuals approach each and every activity as one that requires one know one's own mind and be willing to hear the ideas from the minds of others always on the understanding that no one has the right to initiate force. This law makes it possible to hear someone's idea but not be obligated to agree, or worth with that person. Being able to say "no" is as important as being able to say 'yes.' Each comes with responsibilities. Having to deal with disappointment and rejection is something we all have to deal with at some point; being able to carry on and keep searching for people with whom we can work, and then working together when we do is going to feel pretty-difficult and time-consuming at first. But lots of decisions are the kind one makes once or twice and then really doesn't bother much about. Securing the necessities of life like roads, hospitals, schools, home, work, are elements that would bring opportunities for employment, for saving money, for learning a new skill or finding an investment opportunity.

But most countries have never experienced that joy on any level. They gave in to the idea that one could be mostly free from coercion as long as they agreed to accept some coercion. They were told the bad effects would be counteracted by having elected representation present at the meeting where the decisions are made as to how the coerced funds shall be spent. 

But there is no substitute for direct control over the expenditure. It is different to have a bunch of money voluntarily contributed to a cause, the control of which a guy is elected to have, versus the government being given the right to confiscate wealth from each citizen coercively. There is no fair way to initiate force - it is itself a criminal act and must be outlawed in its entirety. 

People thought they were having the best of both worlds. But a little bit of coercion is a poison that spreads and multiplies. That little bit causes economic misinformation to be transmitted, which creates problems not immediately traceable to their source. So the call for more coercion is sent out and because the first wave was not repelled, one has ceded the high ground for refusing to accept the next bit of coercion. 

It is an either/or kind of thing. All coercion has to be abolished, or coercion is all you will have. The alleged problem of free riders is blown way out of proportion to its actual incidence and effect. Leaving individuals free to care about their own lives and spend their earnings and wealth on their own interests must be relied upon to produce the resources by voluntary means needed to defend the country. And I think it will do so successfully.

A new country has to be founded to show world how banning coercion secures, protects and defends individuals rights. It is only coercion that needs to be banned in order to secure those rights. The knowledge that one is freed from coercion and persecution has already proven to be highly successful at producing wealth and creativity.

As has been proven century after century, surely by now to everyone's satisfaction, every big empire has gone broken trying to coerce results. The subsequent massive intrusion by government into every facet of life devours surpluses, inhibits creativity, kills productivity and poisons cities. It becomes impossible to live with strangers. 

It is thought that individuals all need to agree on moral issues and political infrastructure in a country. But I think all it takes is recognizing that only by banning coercion can we all both get along and handle non-agreement.

When coercion is eliminated from the array of possible choices, an individual has to come up with options palatable to himself and others with whom he proposes to work. This is true of all human interaction, whether the relationship is employer/employee, shopkeeper/customer, buyer/seller and friendships and romantic attachments.

Trade is the act of offering and accepting or rejecting goods, services and companionship. Offering values to others is how we engage in interactions and acquire the necessities and luxuries of life. There is no substitute for each individual in his own skin, making choices and decisions.

Successful cohabitation in a given geographical zone was more likely discovered after two people, or two tribes, instead of resorting to blows,  simply went their separate ways when they could not reach agreement. Perhaps when next they met, each had thought over the other's proposition earlier rejected, and come to see some value in it, and either are now interested to try it, or are at least interested to hear about the progress made. They had discovered the truth about the exchange of ideas - that one could not force agreement, one had to rely on reason and logic to persuade the other to see one's point of view and that if agreement were not forthcoming, to force the issue would be counter-productive.

They discovered the key to dealing with disagreements: was by banning coercion. Agreeing with others is easy; it was the problem of disagreements that needed to be solved.

Banning coercion solved the problem elegantly. It encouraged civility among strangers, making trade possible faster, without the lengthy "getting to know you" meetings.

Nowadays, coercion on the wider governmental level has in every country been accepted as inevitable, necessary and even virtuous! So it is perpetuated and all the legalized forms of coercion thrive. Meanwhile, the government is broke, unable to properly fund its legitimate functions and the more it imposes taxes, it seems the poorer it becomes.

Achieving successful cohabitation relies on successful human interaction. Successful human interaction relies on banning coercion, in order to deal rationally with disagreements between and among individuals. If you cannot agree then you must go your separate ways.

Only banning coercion will achieve the environment in which individuals thrive whether they are nomadic or static. Freedom is freedom from the initiation of force, and it achieves its purpose when men live by it in all their waking moments. Live it on your individual scale and it'll be achieved on a political  scale.

Government is trying to run everything. But a handful of viewpoints will never be a substitute for all of our viewpoints. Each individual has to live his or her own life.

AI3 Finale Results Recap

Do you remember thinking during the auditions that it looked kind of hopeless? Okay, really hopeless. For every Fantasia, LaToya or Jennnifer, it seemed there were 100s of terrible, awful “wannabes” who could not sing. By the third week of Auditions, I was distraught and I wrote:

The outright flat and off-key and pitched like a tent - going in four directions at once - soldiered on, massacring tunes of all genres.  There was a point during tonight's set when I had gotten so punchy, that if the decision had been up to me, I would have sent some of the quaveriest voices into Hollywood. I was all, "yeah she's okay - she doesn't make me want to scratch my eyes out." 

Maybe, possibly, some of the rejects can sing when they're not in front of a camera. Maybe. Like in their shower, or under the pillows in a drunken stupor. But not when it's being recorded for national television. You can see the moment when the contestant gets in front of the judges, sees the cameras and realizes that this might end up on national TV. That thought sends the afflicted-by-fear-of-fame right over the edge and that's why they sound sooo bad.

Fortunately, things picked up. Let’s review some highlights.

The Road To The Finals. Either Ryan couldn’t be bothered or he wasn’t permitted to spend more time on our Two Finalists. Let’s you and I take a few minutes right now, and take ourselves all the way back to the beginning and cover the whole journey.  No, it won’t take long and there won’t even be an ad break.

Oh, alright, I admit it.  I over-prepared. I spent ages looking through discussion threads and my own recaps. So it’s mostly all about me and my ratings of our two AI3 Finalists. It’s nothing more than an excuse for me to show how I spent an hour or three researching. Here are the Journeys to the Final 2, as seen by me:

Fantasia performed “Freedom” in Atlanta at her audition, and I loved it. I wrote “Fantasia – awesome.” Either I missed Diana's or I don’t recall or possibly we weren’t shown her audition. Yeah, that's it - we weren't shown it.

In the first group 8 of the final 32 episode, Fantasia rocked with “Something to Talk About.” I wrote:

Something about how Fantasia delivered “Something to Talk About” makes me hopeful that she'll deliver other songs in a unique way, but not so they all the sound the same. She sang like she was thinking of someone and singing the song about him and to him. I thought it an amazing performance and hope to see her perform as well or better in the weeks to come. So far, she's worth the price of admission for me.

Diana also performed in the first 8 of final 32: “I Got The Music in Me.” Funny how both our finalists were in the same Final 32 episode. I don’t have comments for her performance because I missed it.

For Soul week, the first proper week of AI Top 12 competition, Fantasia did well with “Signed Sealed Delivered.” Diana blew me out of the stadium with “Think.” I loved Diana right away with this, her first WOW performance.

For Country Week, Fantasia chose “Always On My Mind” while Diana covered “A Broken Wing.” I don’t know where I put my comments for this episode, but as I reviewed the list of songs, I recall really enjoying LaToya’s “Aint Goin’ Down til the Sun Comes Up” and John Stevens’ “King of the Road” that week.

In Motown Week, Diana earned 2nd place in my chart with “Do You Love Me?” Who beat her? Why Fantasia, of course, with “I Heard It Thru the Grapevine.” From this episode onwards, I began paying more attention and handing out ratings each week. Fantasia earned 10 out of 10, while Diana’s touch of a sour note at the end of her song prevented her from besting Fantasia.

Fantasia did “Something About the Way You Look Tonight” for Elton John Week, but I didn’t care for her look or her singing and she received a low grade from me, 4 points out of a possible 9. Meanwhile, Diana’s “I’m Still Standing” was one of her better performances, upbeat and lively. In my view, she was second only to George’s “Take Me To The Pilot” that week. She wasn’t feeling 100% and did an amazing job, all things considered.

Movie Songs week, Diana did “My Heart Will Go On” but had a poor outing. I gave her 4 out of a possible 8. Nice outfit and look, but the singing wasn’t on. Instead, Fantasia’s “Summertime” knocked it out of the park. I absolutely loved her rendition, even more than Janis Joplin, my previous favorite. I felt Fantasia completely captured the emotional layers of the song. I could feel the heat and see the cotton in the fields!

On Manilow week, “It’s a Miracle” earned Fantasia my top honors (7 out of 7.) I loved her treatment of this song. Diana received 4 out 7 for “One Voice” although it was a better performance than the rating would reflect. There were simply 3 others whose performances I liked better on the night.

Diana’s “Turn the Beat Around” for Salsa week got my top grade, in spite of a horrendous outfit.  Fantasia’s “Get On Your Feet” was not good. I gave her 3 out of 6 (tied with George.) I felt it was a hollow performance, perhaps due to her unhappiness at seeing Jennifer get booted in an untimely fashion. It was hard for her to be upbeat and Salsa just doesn’t have sad songs.

For Big Band, Fantasia selected “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and “What Are You Doing The Rest of My Life?” While neither song struck me as being “of the genre,” they were both good enough performances that I graded her not in the Bottom 3. I didn’t like any of them that week to award 1st and 2nd. Perhaps it was unfair, but I docked Diana because I don’t like the songs “Someone to Watch Over Me” and “Pack Up Your Troubles, Get Happy.” While I figured Diana would and should land in the Bottom 3 that week, I also hoped she'd be safe. It was at this point that I began to hope for a Fantasia v Diana final 2.

Diana earned top honors in Disco week. “This Is It” was a B grade but “No More Tears” was a WOW. Pulling out such an awesome performance this late in the competition is proof to me that Diana is built for a marathon.  Meanwhile, Fantasia found herself in my “bottom 2” with her renditions of “Knock on Wood” and “Holding Out For A Hero.” True, at this point only four Idol Wannabes remained. How glad was I she didn’t go home!

For 3 song night, Fantasia chose “Chain of Fools,” “Fool in Love” and “The Greatest Fool of All” (oops I mean love, “Greatest Love of All.”) The first two songs were Fantasia at her almost-best, the last was missing that spark that comes when she really connects with the song. But she definitely deserves to be here. By this point, fatigue and overworked vocal chords are beginning to be noticeable.

Diana’s 3 song night choices were “Aint No Mountain High Enough,” “Because You Loved Me” and “Don’t Cry Out Loud.”  None of them was a WOW performance, but in my view she did deserve to advance ahead of Jasmine.

So there we are and here we are! Those are all the songs they performed. I know I missed one of Diana’s from the earlier episodes. But enough introductory blather from me! Let’s get started with Ryan’s introductory blather. On with the show! And the jokes!

Our show tonight, or rather pre-show, as Ryan gleefully informs us a couple of times during the first half hour, begins outside the Kodak Theatre. The sun is shining and the celebrities are arriving.  Nicole Richie and Andy Richter are “celebrities?” Yeah, okay. At least someone is paying attention. What about us, the millions? Are we chopped liver? Hometown fans appear via satellite TV on giant screens placed conveniently at every vantage point. Regular fans who aren’t near a TV camera can at least snack & cry in peace.

It’s the final two-hour bash. Two hours! What are they going to do with 2 hours? And why can’t I remember what happened last year? I guess I wasn’t recapping and was already kind of wasted after only 10 minutes. 

How can there possibly be enough to fill two hours? Gah.  Maybe if I stop complaining and just get a Gin & Tonic and get on with it already…

Ryan is in a black tux with white shirt. His face is definitely fatter this season. He’s been eating well and getting to the gym less, I reckon.  He even has help, in the form of pretty Christina Christian, an AI contestant from the first season, and pretty vacant Jennifer Love Hewitt, a non-contestant who must be SO grateful not to have had to attend an AI audition in order to obtain a record deal. You know who I realize wasn’t front & centre tonight? Justin Guarini. He could have helped Ryan annoy the judges.

Oh, eyeroll. Ryan just called Miss Hewitt “Love.” Here is your complimentary puke bucket. \___/. Use it wisely, empty it often.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is still skinny, so she figures it’s okay if she wears an unflattering belly-baring black shmutter top with ugly jeans that ride low. Just because you can, Jennifer, doesn’t mean you should. She is so bony she must be dangerous to sit beside. Ugh. Her phony upbeat happy-to-be-here patter is somewhat annoying. Oh alright, it’s really annoying. Her head looks tiny perched on top of her small upper body and disproportionately large child-bearing hips.

Legions of fans equals one stage set up outside. It’s a lovely sunny day in sunny (um, where are we again? Southern California?) U.S.A.

I couldn’t proess what “Love” had to say about LaToya, so I’ll utilize more of my own research. During the auditions, there was another singer who caught my eye and ear, and that someone else was LaToya London. She bowled me over with her performance of “Almost Like Being In Love.” On the strength of that one song, I spent the entire show waiting and hoping to be bowled over again. And I never really was. Maybe that song was the result of years of practice that honed it to the point where it became a wedding reception show-stopper. I bet it’s the song that always gets everyone dancing happily. And maybe it’s the last song of the band’s first set after which they perform wedding party “Requests.” The party doesn’t care that the band doesn’t know the request songs very well: everyone has started looking at everyone else, and kind of falling in love because they’re all so happy and the band is a hit with the crowd. And LaToya never really honed another song the way she honed that one.

So anyhooo, Latoya kicks off the festivities with the first outdoor performance. She’s in a hot pink top with spaghetti straps and a faded blue denim skirt and pink shoes. Silver bangles adorn her upper arms and a thick silver choker with a lock & key adorns her neck. Oh dear. Bling-overload. She sings “If You Don’t Love Me by Now” to give her fans a bit of a slap for not voting her all the way to the end. She sings with feeling, a lot of feeling. NOW she exudes emotion? It was good, but I’m really mesmerized by the lock & key on that choker. What does it mean? Is it symbolic of her relationship with her new record company?

When she’s finished, Jennifer Pain in the Neck Hewitt recommences squawking and I’m thankful for Ryan who rescues us and takes us to the makeup theatre to schmooze with Diana, who squeaks Hiii. Her speaking voice is a little screechy and hard to handle, I’ll admit.

Ryan starts asking dumb questions. You know, Ryan would never have landed a job as an interviewer without the success of this show. After three years, he still has a hard time formulating questions without answers wrapped up in them like Fortune cookie sayings. For example, he asks Diana, “Can you celebrate or are you still in “compete mode” given that you’re going to sing again?” eyeroll. Diana kind of ignores him (heh) and says she is going to have fun. But it’s like her answer doesn’t matter. All that matters is Ryan! Asking Questions!! Why do I have a feeling I’ll be rolling my eyes a lot tonight?

Kim Caldwell \___/ is in Georgia, where she can’t do too much damage. Her hair reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith while her make-up looks like Tammy Faye Bakker is her personal guru. Were the trowels super-sized, Kim?  I can’t even see her eyes, because she can’t open her eyelids thanks to the obscene amount of eye shadow and mascara slathered on them. Kim is perky, “Oh guess who this is, Diana? It’s the Governor of State of Georgia, here to support YOU!”  Look at me I’m Kimberly on TV!!

Kim has been to the Ryan Seaquest School of Interviewing, and she tell-asks the Governor that she understands he has a bet of Peaches vs Blueberries with the Governor of the State of North Carolina, Fantasia’s state. All that’s left for Georgia Guvnor to do is agree.  Then she comments on him being a real man because he’s wearing pink, apparently on behalf of Diana. He woohoos because the little trollop called him a real man.

Diana is awed out of her skull over the support. Ryan promises a lot more of this pre-game show. I feel dizzy. \___/. We go to ads.

We come back. Tons of “celebrities” are flashing before my eyes, saying “Fantasia” or “Diana.”  I’m not even sure if they mean they want that one to win or voted for that one, or would kill that one if she wins. Posh Spice, um, Nicole Ritchie, um, er, I can’t remember. Waaah. I admit I barely recognized them, never mind recalling their names. Look at who I did recognize. Posh Spice and Nicole Richie. It’s pathetic of me, isn’t it?  But it was just a blur of B- and C-list “I know I’ve seen you before but can’t quite remember your name” people.

Fantasia is visited by Ryan while she is having gloss put on. She puts some gloss on Ryan. He seems to enjoy the experience.  Do you think they set that up earlier, so he could have gloss, but “blame” it on Fantasia “doing” it to him?  She shows us a blue box that contains a beautiful candle gift from Toni Braxton.  It’s all so exciting for her.

Clay appears on the TV screen in her dressing room. He is with the North Carolina fans. 100s of thousands of screaming shrieking fans. Oh, wait. Just 6000. What a let-down. Mayor of High Point (what, no mayor of North Carolina?) is with Clay. The mayor can feel the love. Woo. Fantasia sends love to Clay, “You look awesome, Clay.” That was kind of anti-climactic, after the mayor of the whole state was on hand for Diana.

Ryan calls the celebrities “Freeloaders.” Ho ho, ha ha. Shut up Ryan. How do you expect to get anyone to appear on your show? We are handed off once again to Christina, who is interviewing Nicole Richie, Celebrity. Nicole watches the show “religiously.” Which show? THIS show. Christina is amazed, because there is Nicole, with her Busy Schedule. How does she watch while filming Simple Life 2, which begins airing June 6 or sometime soon, notice the plug, nudge nudge, wink, wink \____/. Why, she TiVO’s it of course, and has DVDs sent to the shack wherever she is. Isn’t it cool to be a celebrity with super-rich parents and a whole network at your beck & call?

Back to “Love/Hate Relationship,” who squawks and woohoos and finally gets around to presenting George Huff to sing “Me & Mrs. Jones.” As it begins, I think, “This is his kind of song.” I’ve never really listened carefully to this song before.  He’s in a dark suit with a lime green t-shirt and yellow sneakers.  \___/ for the sneakers. He does have a pleasant voice, so I listen to him sing. :eek You know, I never realized before that this is a song about adultery?!?! Imagine that!  Jeez. I’m not that sheltered. Just not that interested.  “She’s got her own obligations”??? And “I do too”??? So they’re both married and he’s singing about how they’re fooling around. I thought this was supposed to be a family show. Damn, and folks have the nerve to get upset over Fantasia the teenage mom having a child out of wedlock.

Ryan isn’t quite as stupid as I thought – he points out what I just pointed out. “It’s always the quiet ones you gotta watch.”  LOL.

Well, almost a half-hour frittered away. Maybe this will just whiz by. What a pain Jennifer Love Hewitt is. How did she get this gig? Oh, because she released a horrible single recently. We heard it on Much Music the other day – god it was awful. \___/

After ads, Ryan is with Dawg & Paula. Dawg is in a pinstripe suit with a salmon pink shirt and bright salmon tie. He’s never looked so gay. Paula is in a sparkly white dress that makes her boobies really round. They look like Hagar the Horrible’s daughter’s boobies.  These two blather about how great the season was and how like proud parents they are. I mean, Dawg & Paula blather, not Paula’s boobies. Tho’ you’d be forgiven for misreading that, cuz those boobies looked like they could talk, they were that perky and happy to be here.

Paula won’t be crying, but Dawg says he & Simon will. eyeroll and yet LOL

Back to Christina, outside, with the shrieking crowd. It’s really ear-piercing. Christina is with Ray Romano, who has brought his daughter & four of her friends. He’s unshaven and complaining about having been in a limo with five 13 year olds. Situation more or less normal. He says he did watch the show, he lies he thought it was great, and says he liked them both but he’d vote for Fantasia.

Love \___/ introduces Jasmine, who has had a chance to return to Hawaii where it was insane. Jasmine has red streaks in her hair, proof of just how insane it was back home. They drew blood, is what we’re to understand. She performs “Midnight Train to Georgia.” Next season she'll be an interviewer.  She’s in a black halter top and black pedal pushers.  The camera zooms around looking at her from all angles as she sings pleasantly enough. She’s not good enough to win, but she is good enough to sing outside to a crowd that hasn’t got anywhere else to go, I mean anywhere else it would rather be.

While Jasmine sings, Mr. AMAI tells me about hearing Diana on a radio talk show today. She reported that there were voids in the stage and she couldn’t hear, and that’s why she was messing up her third song last night. That was also why she was wandering round the stage, looking for the spots where she could hear and “find the tone.” As soon as she is done, so is he! How 'bout that for perfect timing?

Time for Ryan to accost Simon Cowell. Ryan knocks at the door and calls out, “We’re coming with a camera, put your teeth in.” Simon is tired, and it’s been a stressful season. Ryan asks what is the most difficult part of being a judge and Simon says there isn’t anything difficult for him because he knows what he’s talking about. He and Ryan agree it’s not conceit at all. Ryan laughs to himself thinking what a great job he’s done making Simon look arrogant, but it’s the truth. Simon remembers saying Fantasia could be one of the best contestants ever.  Ryan loves Simon and loves joshing him about how long it takes him to decide whether the show is about him or about the singers. Finally Simon unconvincingly decides to say it’s about them. Oh phew, let’s move on.

Ryan sends us over to “Love” \___/ for the sole purpose of hearing her “sign off” by saying “it’s been a blast.” Christina gets one last interview, with Sharon Osborne, whose favorite is Fantasia. Sharon lies she thinks the show last night was “really good.” God, who is paying these idiots to lie? And how do they say it with a straight face? Oh wait, Sharon was smiling. She knows she’s towing the party line. Sure, the show had a moment or two, but overall I was disappointed that it wasn’t more awesome. My socks were on for most of the night.

Ryan visits with the choir, jumps around, get bored and leaves, to wander the theatre and show up onstage to huge cheers inside the Kodak Theatre. The crowd is screaming its heads off. Or the crowd are screaming their heads off. I’m not sure how to construct that sentence. My Word program seems to prefer the first version. Hey, only an hour and twenty minutes to go til we get the result. Or maybe an hour and fifteen minutes, if it will happen at 9:55 rather than one minute to ten. Ad break.

That was a long break. I should have gotten snacks. Okay we’re back. What is the deal with the credits, now? Oh right, that was PRE-Show, NOW, the REAL-show is beginning. Mustn’t miss having the metallic non-gender-specific statuette bobo-ing.

Tamyra Gray opens the Official Singing with “The Star Spangled Banner,” to make this a proper sporting competition. She’s a lovely girl, but her voice kind of wavers on every other note. It’s a little disconcerting. I hold my breath waiting for that one really horrible note that I’m sure will be here as soon as it can get directions to the stage. At least she doesn’t screech. Not bad for singing without a band, but there it is! The horrible note was thankfully the last note. :eek  Ryan thanks her, “Beautiful, Tamyra.”

“40 weeks ago the search began,” Ryan intones self-importantly as he is wont to do. “Over 65 million votes were cast last night.” Wow. 65 million. Having 6 phone lines for only two contestants really helped. Maybe there have always been 65 million votes, but they couldn’t count them all.  Ryan allows the crowd to cheer for itself for voting. The judges are in place and the group cheers for them too. Ryan manages introductions without adding his usual gobbledygoop of insulting remarks.

Dawg says “If you ain’t here you ain’t nowhere.” I am really over Randy "Dawg" Jackson. This season he jumped his own personal shark. All that “yo yo yo” and “dawg dude aiiight” just pushed me closer and closer towards madness.  That last comment? Where’s mah puke buckit \___/ and mah strait-jackit?

Paula has butterflies and is nervous and wants to get it over with so they can get on with their careers. Her cloying nonsense is as sickening as Dawg’s blather. \___/

Simon doesn’t say anything. His gorgeous white shirt under his suit jacket is unbuttoned to the navel practically. God, that’s kind of hot actually. Slap me!

Now, let’s have a song! “The Impossible Dream,” sung by Diana. She is mixing up the words: the unbearable foe? A little Freudian slippage, methinks.  Oops and here she is now. Fantasia joins Diana to help sing the right words in the right order. They are both in pants. Good move. Fantasia has on a black halter shirt, while Diana has a suit jacket. I look away for a second, and when I look back I see a tiny sparkly bra under a jacket buttoned once, revealing belly button bling and I wonder when Diana got her belly button pierced. Oh wait, that’s Kelly Clarkson. And here is Ruben, as big as ever if not bigger. You’re really pushing the envelope, Ruben. You be careful you don't do yourself a permanent injury, there big guy. Chris Farley? John Candy? Ringing any bells?

The three girls sound good together. Now the choir is onstage too. What a pile o' people, all showcasing Ruben, since the girls are singing together like they’re his backup.

When it's done, Ryan brings a towel for Ruben. Awww, just like old times.  Ryan promises results, and a big show tonight. We’re going for ads, again? That was only 8 minutes of show. This is the awful part, the endless ad breaks. But actually, I shouldn’t whine, since I need the break so I can go upstairs to start my tape in the other VCR to record the horrible After The Final Rose Bachelor post-crap I’ve been hearing such a buzz about. Be right back…

Oh that man of mine i think i will do

See what happens when I leave the room for 2 minutes… Mr. AMAI starts typing on the computer, trying to put ideas into my head by inserting subliminal messages... The poor dear... 

We’ve survived Hour One. Onstage are Diana and Fantasia with Ryan. He asks if they both thought they’d be here tonight. Fantasia says she said she would work hard and she loves everybody. Diana knew she was in when she was in the group with Fantasia back at the Final 32 stage. Fantasia says she was scared of Diana, cuz she’s a powerhouse. They are learning the celebrity schtick of how to top each other in praising each other. "No, you’re great." "No, you’re greater." "You’re the best!" "You’re better than best." "It’s all thanks to YOU!" LOL.  I don’t think they even really answered Ryan’s question.

 

Back to Clay, who is with County Commissioner Bruce Davis, head of Fantasia’s fan club. County Commissioner?  Even the political celebrities are B- and C-list.  County Commissioner (:lol) Davis tells us about the billboard they put together of Fantasia and he shows us a tiny picture of her that’s on it. What, we don’t get to see the actual billboard? Gypped. Come to think of it - a billboard? Is that, like, an honor? I though people hated billboards.

Back to Kim Caldwell \___/ and her overly made-up face and giant hair. They have Diana’s choir teacher, whose name, if we were told it, flew right by me. You don’t think I actually recorded this, do you? Kim knows that Choir Teacher went to LA. “Yes,” says Choir Teacher, “Why yes, yes I did go to L.A. and it was awesome.” Kim is darting in front of the camera again, trying to squeeze in another second of facetime. Just like old times. \____/

Oh and the mayor of Snellville is there, and reckons Diana will win. Diana put Snellville on the map. On the water tower, it says "Snellville, Where Everybody is Somebody." And Diana is a Final 2 Finalist On American Idol, a bigger Somebody than You’ll Ever Be.

No it doesn’t really say that, but I wonder if Diana ever thought it… 

Oh, we have to revisit last night and the judges’ comments. Diana got props for song 1, Fantasia got slammed. Diana came out hard on her second song, then Fantasia reprised Summertime. Simon said “best contestant ever.” Diana had a bad 3rd song, and Fantasia blew it out of the park with her version of “I Believe.” And that’s the short version because the Roundtable will contain the long versions. It better! (It does!)

Ryan promises the results some more, again, and Mr. AMAI says, “Didn’t he just tell us they were coming right up, like, ten minutes ago?” Yes, dear.  Ryan does this every results show. Mr. AMAI will say that again in ten minutes’ time.  We go to the first of 10 ad breaks that still remain (you know, one every five minutes.)

Okay, back and now it’s time to hear “Beautiful Disaster” sung by Kelly Clarkson. She’s in an unflattering filmy looking pale green dress. Her face is much prettier than last time I saw her, which was last season when they previewed the horrible \___/ video with her and Justin Guarini tootling around in a boat down by a river.  Maybe she’s prettier because she’s fatter, er, I mean, not quite as thin gaunt as she was then. She’s got a fair amount of meat on her now, but it’s not unattractive.  She’s sitting on the piano singing about this gorgeous boy who is a disaster. Is it a song about Jordan Catalano? Sorry – didn’t you watch My So-Called Life? I thought that was required viewing for everyone in the 90s.

It’s been five minutes and is, you guessed it, time for another ad break. First, a faux ad. The two finalists perform the contractually obligated lame car commercial. “Shining Star” sounds really canned. The whole concept is crass. But the girls look good, so it's a Beautiful Disaster.

Back and Ryan is in the audience to introduce the AI top 12, who will perform a tribute to the guest judges in the order in which they were thankful to have them.

George has the first cameo doing “I’ll Be There.” Could you imagine Michael Jackson being a guest judge on this show? Somehow I think he may have blown the opportunity to enjoy that honor.  All the girls do a tribute to Gloria Estefan. Camille gets a spotlight and still looks kind of trashy. She sure fooled a lot of people in the auditions. Leah LaBelle has a spotlight, trying valiantly to stay in tune. Amy gets a nice albeit short spotlight. Jasmine does the hand outstretched during her spotlight. Diana sings with JPL and with Matt, drowning out their weak voices. Their mikes might have even been turned off, so as not to interfere with the real singers.

Next, the Donna Summer portion of the tribute. “She works hard for the money.” Ah yes, nothing like a nice song about prostitutes.  Everyone’s outfits are yellow & white variations, and I really like the effect. Some are all in pale yellow, some just have on a bright yellow top, others just a bright yellow scarf with an otherwise all-white outfit. It’s much more interesting than having them all in the same cookie-cutter ensemble. It is fun and lively and I enjoy checking out what each of them has done with the concept of Yellow and White.

Songs are going too fast.  JPL keeps the microphone far away from his mouth, because what difference, eh? His philosophy here appears to be, “Why hide your face if your mike doesn’t work anyway?”  I still can’t stand him. \___/

Oh, here’s John Stevens finally getting a taste of a Big Band spotlight. Oops it’s over. 20 seconds flies by whether you’re having fun or not.  On to Elton John, and Diana reprises “I’m Still Standing.” Somebody sounds flat on the yeah yeahs. Jennifer receives a huge cheer as she opens what turns out to be the Barry Manilow segment. Why doesn’t Word recognize “Manilow” – am I misspelling it? Latoya takes a turn. She sings about having it rain on her parade. Oh now I feel LaToya’s pain. Now that the competition is over, she sure is projecting emotions like there’s a firesale. Fantasia sings she made it thru the rain.

And it’s over. Jennifer and Latoya are on either side of Fantasia, hugging her. It was actually quite good, really. Better than most group sings, I think because the best voices were the only ones given functioning microphones. Group sings are always kind of hokey, and yet this one was kind of sad, cuz the whole season is almost all over. If we want to enjoy performances again, first we shall have to suffer through the auditions, and the crappy two or three or four contestants whom the idiot judges put through as their “wild card” selections. \___/ Ad time.

Back and Ryan is reminding us about how only last season he was opening an envelope in front of a very large finalist. Who is writing this material for Ryan? Is he doing it himself? It sucks harder than the Fantom Cyclone. 

Ruben is here to sing a song called “What If?”  He’s in a pinstripe suit.  I like this song! It’s funny and yet something new. What if I had to call from a pay phone? What if I didn't have 4 million? It really sounds like his sort of thing. I’ve always thought he had a bit of a sense of humor. This is really a fun song! Who is on the t-shirt? Oh look, celebrities are waving at cameras in the audience.

Ryan is back to share a behind the scenes moment, when the guy at the piano wasn’t Manilow and his pissed-off face at not being recognized by the make-up lady got him to say, “It’s too god-damned depressing.”   More ads. It’s 9:30. Only a half hour to go. Hey, I think we made it!

Before the results, it’s time to hear them sing one more time. There are Diana’s thousands in Snellville. She’s gonna sing “I Believe” again. Oh no. Uh oh. What's this? Is she mad? She sounds better tonight than she did last night. That’s got to be a bit depressing, in its way. She does do a credible job with the song, but it’s amazing how Fantasia takes that song and knocks it out of the stadium. And I really don't care for the song as a song.

Mr. AMAI just thinks Diana is screaming. “Did I go tone-deaf? Where are the notes?” He’s still pining for LaToya. Poor dear. Apparently Diana has Kelly Clarkson in tears. Why? Because she should be up there, getting to sing this song? Could be.

Now Ryan introduces “the competition,” Fantasia, who will first suffer through Ryan putting his hand on her stomach to check for nerves. She is going to sing something called “Dreams.” She has a talent for picking meh songs and making me listen to them. But I’ve just about had enough of these “big picture” songs. She didn’t do the Tamyra song, because she didn’t need to improve on her performance of last night, but it felt like she wanted to do a similar kind of song, and enough already with the dreams and the believing and whatnot. It wasn’t different enough to make me give a damn. Nice delivery but I want to hear some different ideas in these songs. That’s why I liked Ruben’s “What If?” song – it had something original to say.

Ryan says to Fantasia, “Who gets the record deal and who gets the consolation prize?” What, as in, the other record deal? I’ve had enough of Ryan Seaquest for one year, I assure you.

With ten minutes left, we may well be about to crown the next Idol. Nope. Here they are together to sing, “I Knew You Were Waiting.”

Diana is in what at first looks like towel as she walks thru the crowd, with a swatch of the royal blue dress material swirling in the breeze behind her. The dress accentuates her tummy and lack of a curvy torso. It also shows off her not very pretty legs. Fantasia is smart and in a black pantsuit.  Camera pans to judges’ table and Simon is looking off into the crowd. Mr. AMAI wants to know what he’s looking at, which is why I even noticed in the first place.

This is another song about believing in dreams. Yawn. You’re pushing me to the edge, girls. Can we get back to reality?

Ryan asks Simon to say what they get. Simon says, “Fame, stardom, a ton of money.” He says this competition has proven it’s the best talent show on earth. Paula is proud to be a part of the show, and it’s time to move on with your careers. It’s the first day of the rest of your life. And for the loser, it’s a gig at next season’s finalist’s hometown, interviewing C-list politicians and slobbering fans. Dawg is still kind of agreeing with others, kind of talking like he’s been sitting next to Paula for too long. He magnanimously tells them, “You’re both winners, so stand proud. Congratulations.”

“America, it’s time to get to it.” Ryan rattles off all of last night’s comments. Miss Marcy don’t fail me now! From the blur of verbiage that spewed forth, I heard that for Fantasia they said, “Amazing talent. Brilliant x 4, Fantasia x 5. You’ll never bore an audience. It’s your night. You’re lucky to sing more than one song. Best contestant ever. Acceptance speech. Congratulations.”

For Diana they said, “You worked it out. You came to win. Somewhere in the middle of the song you kind of fell apart. Great. Good. Blech. Sang really really well. Sang well. Had a chance to nail it and you didn’t. Great. Bleah.”

So you see the theme. Fantasia started a little shaky and got stronger, Diana started strong and lost it.  Finally it’s time to reveal it and Ryan of course has to rattle off the same statistics some more.  65 million votes!!! Have. Voted. For...

FANTASIA! YAY!!!

Crowd goes wild, cheering. Her family and friends dance in the aisles. Diana’s mom claps too. The two finalists hug onstage. Where is the money popping out of my TV?

And Fantasia is bawling. Paula’s idiotic handclapping irks the you know what outta me.

Fantasia, goes, “Thank you I broke my shoe.” She broke her necklace too. “I been thru some things but I worked hard to get to where I’m at. I’m a crybaby.” She is still bawling.

Diana is a gracious runner up, thanking everyone for their support. She has grown so much as a singer and performer and as a person. “So glad to be here with Fantasia, she’s my girl.”

Fantasia sings “I Believe.” Again. I don’t believe it. But she does a good job. With tears in her eyes, she sings that song and once again makes it come alive. Helluva talent.

All the other finalists come onstage to hug her when she’s done.  Unfortunately they still have their mikes on, and we hear some rather strange & disquieting noises that sound like someone is getting something squished. 

Ryan thanks everybody who took part, including us, the audience. And … it's done. A worthy winner crowned, and I'm looking forward to hearing what they all do.

Thanks for reading. See you next season!

AMAI Has Spoken!!

AI3 Final Two Performances

Previously, Jasmine was sent home. Thank you voters. I really didn’t have any doubt that she would be.

Ryan tells us they’re in the Kodak Theatre for these two final nights. Fans whoop it up because fans whoop it up for anything. Four hours of voting. Whoop! Whoop! The judges are introduced:

Simon has a special tight shirt.

Paula has a special tight smile.

Dawg has a special loose brain.

Fantasia & Diana come onstage to a lot of whooping. Yay! My two favorites :D  Oh god, Ryan’s chitchat costs me a brain cell to hear it. Fantasia won the coin toss and elects to let Diana go first. Smart move.

They will perform two songs of their choosing and a song co-written by Tamyra, “I Believe.”

First, we review the journeys. Ryan only covers the earliest events. Diana’s audition was powerful and I’m awed again by her early promise and strong voice. Simon told her he didn’t like her cutesy routine and she promised to work on it.

All three judges babble about Diana. Dawg talks of her eye of the tiger. Paula says something intelligent and I miss it, intent as I am on listening to Diana in the background. We hear snippets of the awesome songs she’s done.

Enough filler. Let’s have some singing!

Diana’s 1st performance is Tamyra’s “I Believe.” She’s wearing a black top and multi-colored knee-length skirt. We view it from below stage-level and her legs look stumpy, like she hasn't done enough knee bends to beef up those calves. She should do some Huff Dipping!  The camera doesn’t return to that angle again for which we should all be grateful.

Diana is a great singer but the song is boring me. Who is this Tamyra and why does she think she can write (or rather, co-write) songs? I’ve heard the Making My Dreams Come True sentiment 100,000 times. Did we relly need it for the 100,001st time? So I go back to looking at Diana’s figure. Either she’s in a girdle or she’s lost some weight. She is looking good tonight. But only from certain angles.

The choir joins her and the music swells and she’s shouting a wee bit. Then she goes quiet again. I’m kind of listening to the mechanics of the production of the song, rather than the song itself. Yawn, it sure is a long song.  She has managed to make the schlock sound slightly more interesting than it is. But it's still schlock. Finally it is over. Yay. Blech on the song, pretty good singing Diana.

Critics. Randy babbles, Paula feels like a proud parent and gives props for the look and the stunning performance. Simon says she sang it well, but takes issue with how many lakes and mountains she’s swum and hiked. Oh please, spare me from Simon’s overblown sense of self-importance. She was forced to sing this song, Simon. You can’t criticize her for the lyrics of a song as if she’d chosen it for herself. That’s just bad judgemanship.  I guess Simon’s thick skull isn’t computing this important distinction. She did her best with a song she was Forced To Perform. Ryan gives all Diana’s numbers.

Fantasia’s first performance is prefaced with her journey to reach the Final 12. Audition with “Proud Mary” plays for a moment. She made Simon laugh with her comment, “My lips are big but my talent is bigger.” We see a tidbit of “Signed Sealed Delivered.” And remember when Simon thanked god because she was still in the competition? Remember when Randy gave her props for the single best AI performance in any season ever, anywhere? Well, now you’ll remember.

Her first selection is something new, but it sucks. It is “All My Life" originally sung by K-Ci and JoJo from Jodeci. Thanks to Miss Marcy at RTVT for knowing that. It’s a quieter song than Diana’s, and Fantasia gets a choir to help out with the singing. We get a big ole pile of “yeah, yeahs.”  I can’t claim to have missed that heapin’ helpin’. 

The choir seems to be carrying the song. Well, not EVERYthing Fantasia touches turns to gold.  It gets loud for a bit. It seems a shorter song. The audience cheering is less enthusiastic than for Diana. Let’s see, what else can I talk about? Oh yes, the outfit – black strapless top and a short skirt that also showed off her legs, which I may have mentioned are not her best feature. Wear pants, girls.

Critics. Randy … loves the song? Is he on something? Paula says Fantasia's brilliant cuz she’s taken a mediocre song and made it shout from the wind. Paula’s prattle makes my eyes cross. But I like that she called it a mediocre song. Heh. Simon thinks it’s lucky she’s singing more than once tonight. He thought it was a complete mess. Indeed. That is what it was.

For Diana’s second performance, she has changed into a white sparkly top and black pants and is reprising “No More Tears.” It’s pretty good but not as awesome as the last time I heard it. She’s competent but it’s funny how after all these weeks of being unaware of her age, something about how she looks tonight – her hair or her smile but something -  makes me more conscious that she's 16 and should be singing about boys.  I mean, I’m noticing the lyrics and that she’s singing about “a man” who’s been “like so many men before” and it feels weird. Mr. AMAI wonders why she didn’t go with a pop song, something upbeat, something a little more age- and experience-appropriate. Good thinking, hon.

Critics. Randy said she came to win and sang her face off. Paula clapped her hands and chirped.  Simon didn’t like the dancing but agrees with Randy that she’s come to win.

Fantasia’s second song choice is also a reprise of her best, “Summertime.”  She’s seated on the floor of the stage again, but this time in a distractingly hot pink dress. It seems too garish and freaky party girl. The result for me is I find I’m trying not to look at her, which isn’t good, because a lot of her ability to sell the song is through the emotions she projects. So bad dress for this song. If she were doing something upbeat, it would be great.

The song is pretty good, but not as awesomely good as the first time I heard her do it. I notice more 'yeah yeahs' this time and they jar. I’m disappointed that my socks are still on.

Seriously, it’s disappointing because we’ve had 4 of our 6 songs and I’m feeling “meh.” My two favorites! How could you let me down?? I was hoping for a great night and I’m not getting it. Am I too demanding? Am I that difficult to please?

Critics. Randy says yo yo, babble babble. Paula says Fantasia will never bore the audience because she is always reinventing herself, never just settling to recreate herself. Can we have a new judge next season? I’m sick of Paula’s cutesy routines.  Simon takes the opportunity to say, “You’re the best contestant we’ve had in any competition.” They’re troweling on the praise like it’s early spring and the crops need their manure.

Diana’s 3rd song is “Don’t Cry Out Loud.” Another encore performance. Sigh. SIGH. She’s added a jacket to her sparkly top and black pants ensemble. It’s an okay performance. There was a bit of a hiccup at the beginning but she got past it and did an okay performance. But only okay.

Critics.  Randy blah, Paula blah blah. When I focus on what they’re harping on about, I realize it’s that hiccup, that something that went wrong for 2 seconds at the beginning. They have nothing to say and they’re saying it. Simon blasts her, saying he doesn’t think she nailed the song and blew her chance to win the competition. Does he want her to win? This kind of criticism is just what galvanizes fans to vote til their fingers fall off.

Sigh. The only new song is a Tamyra song? And a pasty-faced crap Tamrya song (but then are there any other kind?) I’m not familiar with her work, and I think I’ll survive if I never remedy that situation.

Fantasia’s third performance is her turn to do the Tamyra-penned “I Believe.”  For this last song, Fantasia has changed into a lovely green dress. The color is lovely anyway. It’s kind of clingy and she doesn’t have the best figure, but never mind.

She adds some yeah yeahs to the song at some point. 

But … but… I’m actually listening. It’s like it’s a completely different song. I even check back to make sure that it has the same title as the one Diana did. Wow, Fantasia is actually selling this bleah song, where Diana didn’t (or couldn’t). I believe in her story of this song. This is a WOW performance. Phew. At least we get one Wow performance out of the evening.

She’s crying and tells Ryan she can't give her numbers. The other 10 folks from the Final 12 are on their feet, cheering in the audience. In fact, we’ve been seeing them throughout the night but it’s just not about them tonight. 

Critics. The judges go nuts, as usual. Simon tells her that the song was her acceptance speech. He’s pushing his favorite just a wee bit, eh? I missed the babble of the other two, but I can imagine what they said. Randy: Yo yo dawg, dude. Paula: You take me out of the window and into the great blue divide.

Final Filler.  Paul Anka comes out to do “My Way" for no other reason than there are  3-4 minutes that need filling. What better way than with a jokester? Oy vey – less said about his pile o’ crap the better. Oh all right. I have to admit I did laugh at some of it. But I did not transcribe it. If you saw it and you're willing to admit you laughed, then you don't need me to tell you. And if you missed it, well, on balance you're fortunate. It was only funny in an "I'm embarassed for us all" kind of way.

Discussion.  So, what went wrong? Was it nerves? Having to do the same song? Choosing to reprise songs? Just tired and running out of steam after a long & grueling competition? A bit of all of that?

The problems tonight for Diana were:

1. She didn’t connect properly with the Tamyra song, losing that head-to-head battle to Fantasia.

2. She didn’t do at least one fun, age-appropriate song. The “No More Tears” song would have been better left out in favor of something that really fit her age and level of experience.

The problems for Fantasia were:

1. The first song had way too many “yeah yeahs” and was generally a poor choice.

2. The outfit for “Summertime” was distracting.

The pluses are bound up in a whole season’s worth of great performances for each of them. As much as whatever voters liked or disliked about tonight’s performances, I think that the catalogue, the promise and personal favoritism will come into play just as much when they are deciding whom to support with their phoning and textmessaging. I don't know which of these two will be crowned this season's American Idol.

All in all, I think the vote will be close. Or should be. Diana had 3 strong performances, yet none of them stand out as great or awesome or WOW. Fantasia had one WOW, one Pretty Good and one Bleah. So it’s as close to a tie as I’ve ever seen. I’d like to see Fantasia win but I wouldn't be desperately unhappy if Diana won. I just hope that no matter what, they both put out good CDs.

  

Thanks for reading. It’s been a hell of a season.

AI3. Three Left. Three Songs Each.

See Three Do Three: Three Song Night

Last week, four young women allegedly took on Disco.  I never pictured “Holding On For a Hero” as a disco song. I suppose “Le Freak” wasn’t high on anyone’s list. More trauma ensued as the Results caused Jasmine to join Diana in the safe two while Fantasia and La Toya formed the “at risk” two.

The funniest thing about the situation was Paula “I Have the Attention Span of a Flea” Abdul telling Jasmine that “America would forgive” her awful performances and then boohooing that “America got it wrong” when they kept her in. Clearly Paula has gone beyond anyone’s help. You see now why I report so little of what she says.  It isn’t usually even this entertaining.

Surprise! Over-Exposure!! Before I tackle our official Tuesday evening performances, let’s pause for a quick review of the goodies thrown our way on Monday evening.

Ryan interviewed everybody. Obviously ratings for his personal show aren’t reaching the heights he had hoped, so he figured (incorrectly) that we needed an aperitif to make us all go running over to check it out. He brought each judge out one by one for a good deal of pointless repetitive blah blah. The only thing Randy said that I consider worth reporting is that he grades Fantasia’s performance of “Summertime” as the most awesome to date.

Paula’s interview time was as usual full of inanity. She showed Ryan how to make sitting down for the interview into “schtick” - tuck one leg underneath and sit on it while folding oneself gracefully yet seamlessly into the chair. She “revealed” more about what goes on under the table between her and Simon.  She prattled about why she wants to give performers something positive to take away from the experience, even when all the other judges (including the guest judge) are heaping scorn.

Simon’s interview was quite interesting. The unpredictability and shocks are what make the show like real life, he figures. He defines a diva as difficult, egotistical (think Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey) oops, they also have to be talented as well as difficult, so I guess we should scratch those examples?  Kidding. Sort of. At least in Whitney’s case. Carey’s glass-breaking high notes get on my nerves. What is personally satisfying to Simon is the right person winning and having a long career. So he’s got to be pretty unsatisfied, since he has no way of knowing if Kelly, Ruben and whoever wins this year will have long careers.

After that, Ryan spent time chatting with each of the final 3 ladies. Then they sang a song each. Stupid me thought I’d be hearing something new. But the philosophy here is why sing new stuff if it’s not “official”? Jasmine was all in black to sing “I Know I’ll Never Love This Way Again.” It started out quite pleasant, but I was on tenterhooks, waiting for her to hit those horrible notes she seems incapable of avoiding. She went a little screechy toward the end, but it wasn’t one of her absolute worst performances. It’s really sad that at the Final 3 stage, there is a performer who has had so many bad performances that it’s easier to compare a mediocre performance to the array of terrible ones and call it “better.”

Fantasia was amusing and entertaining in her Ryanterview but I didn’t really note down every word uttered. The yellow jacket she had on over a black top and flowered print skirt was a little on the bright side. She looked like a chickadee. She reprised “Signed, Sealed, Delivered.” It’s great, as expected, but not as much of a “wow” factor as the first time I heard it, but it sets a toe to tapping.

Diana was in a silvery over top of jeans. She allegedly did a lot of giggling in her Ryanterview, but I was immersed in discovering some Helpful Hints for Castlevania – woo we finally found our Sword Familiar! And Mr. AMAI worked out how to return to the Inverted Castle. I mean, once I realized we weren’t going to have new songs performed, I kinda lost interest in this Monday night show. I’m only reporting it to help bulk up the recap for Tonight’s Main Show.

Diana reprised “Turn The Beat Around,” her Salsa selection. It was almost as good as before, not quite as electric without the Big Band Back-up. I think that knowing it WOWed me before, I was expecting too much.

I sensed a little tension from Diana, a nervousness.  It’s almost as if she’s become cognizant of how close she is to winning, and it’s inhibiting her from being as comfortable as she’s capable of being. On the other hand, Fantasia was at ease, the way she’s always been. She’s got some cockiness and yet not as much as she had at the outset of the competition. Being in the bottom 3 helped her realize that it’s not won yet. She has improved a good deal over the weeks.  

Tuesday Night Performances. Special guest judge is Clive Davis. While Alicia Keys’ “Falling” plays, Ryan babbles the history of the Clive.

Fantasia gets to be the one to tell us each girl will perform three songs, one they chose, one that one of the judges chose for them and one Clive chose.

We begin with the contestants’ own choices.  Jasmine does “Saving All My Love for You.” She has her hair up in a rather elaborate bun with ponytail concoction. Outfit comprised of aqua halter top and short black pleated skirt with uneven hem is on the ho-ish side. Is it me or is this song about the “other woman” waiting for her two-timing man? Funny, I thought she sounded good on this song. But good for her, rather than good compared to the best we’ve seen in the competition.

Randy says she pales to Whitney’s version. Um, Whitney did that song? I’m not up to speed on my pop divas. Paula piles on, using the phraseology Randy used. Clive thinks she captured the tenderness and came thru. Simon says it’s like dinner with Paula –sweet but forgettable. Ha ha ho ho. At least Paula laughs too. She’s kind of dopey.

I don’t know how they’re going to have time to do 3 songs each – it’s already 8:15 and there’s only been one song.

Fantasia has selected Aretha’s “Chain of Fools.” She’s in a black dress with a silver necklace. She makes the song her own. There’s no comparing her to other versions and I’ve heard a few I like. Huge cheers from the crowd.

Randy loves her, “You are a winner, I don’t care about 1, 2, 3.” Paula says it’s about being unique and applauds with her little child’s hand-clapping. “You pick the right songs.” Clive says she took on the Queen of Soul, and nailed it. Simon says Fantasia demonstrated “what we’re looking for – someone who brings originality, not someone who copies someone else badly.” Oh ow – sounds like a burn for just about everyone else who was in the competition.

Diana has chosen “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” Black top, red pants. It’s okay, but it doesn’t top Fantasia’s. I mean the performance is okay – the outfit hasn’t been universally lauded but at least it didn’t strike me as overly intrusive or unflattering. The singing doesn’t top her own best performances. Hearing the praise for Fantasia perhaps made Diana try too hard to ‘make the song her own.’ Diana has been hit & miss – some of her “best-loved” songs haven’t translated into marvelous performances.

I think the problem now for Diana is she’s doubting her ability to make songs her own. I didn’t see her presentation of this song as unique. And a unique presentation is prepared way ahead of time. Hearing kudos and praise of the kind lavished on Fantasia would not have bothered her if she’d rehearsed the song and felt confident about it. And I think Diana knew she hadn’t really succeeded in making this song “hers” in rehearsal. Her doubts produced a less than stellar performance onstage.

Randy: Not your best, that song is a little bigger than you. Paula flaps her gums, “Great job.” Clive says it was agreeable, good cabaret but not unique. Simon agrees with Clive. “You shouted you didn’t sing.”

Judges’ Choice Songs.I don’t know why, but I thought that the judges would have conferred and agreed on a song for each of them. Rather, the choices were said to have been made, one judge for each girl.

Paula, the worst judge, got to choose for Jasmine, the worst of those left. That’s my opinion and I’m not alone, although I know there are some actual fans. And she’s not unpleasant, she’s just not as “Wow” as someone like Jennifer. Even George produced a “wow” performance or two. To help shoot Jasmine out of the competition, Paula has found the lamest song from someone else’s discography. She wasn’t going to have Jasmine butcher one of her horrific little numbers, after all. Jasmine “gets” to do one from Natalie Cole’s catalogue. It’s a horrible upbeat little bit of fluff, called “Mr Melody.”

I see the girls aren’t going to be changing outfits; perhaps it was deemed too distracting. Tonight is all about the singing, so Jasmine is still in her ho-fit. Extremely lame song. “This is horrible,” offers Mr. AMAI. Randy gives props for the song choice, because his little honey bunny Paula chose it. It sucks Randy. :lol None of the other comments are even worth reporting.

Simon chose a song for Fantasia’s personality and tells us that it will be magic because he chose it. It is “Fool In Love.”  I’ve never heard this song before, but it is magic. It is kind of a silly song, but she takes and makes it work. She doesn’t rush through, and allows time for the song to happen. She even manages to walk around in the audience and make that work.

Randy goes nuts, “You da bomb.” (Mr. Amai doesn’t think this guy has a clue.) Paula says she doesn’t think Fantasia needs this competition. Clive would sign her if he saw her in a basement in Kansas. Simon goes, “I think you need a sympathy vote here – that was the worst ever.” But he’s smiling and she smiles and laughs. He’s pleased with the magic. It was great. And that’s the awesomeness of Fantasia – when she’s on, she is ON!

Diana performs “Because You Loved Me,” chosen for her by Randy. She’s going too fast – slow down, Diana. She’s seated on a chair. She hits some nice high notes and holds some notes nicely in the middle of the song. It was nice, but just too fast. Simon gives 7 out of 10.

Clive Davis’ Choices. Clive has chosen for Jasmine “All By Myself” the Eric Carmen’s classic. Randy felt no connection of emotion. Yeah I agree. The performance was so forgettable that as each note was finished I had already forgotten it. Simon does the “Paula” – handing out compliments where he can, but in spite of her loveliness, “The reality is you’re young sweet, and the unbelievable support from Hawaii is why you are still in the competition. Has to end tonight.”  In all honesty, it’s not just the support from Hawaii – there are folks all over the U.S. who are voting for her. In spite of the judges’ dissing, Ryan has to give her numbers anyway, and pimp her some more.

For Fantasia Clive chose a Whitney Houston song, “The Greatest Love of All.” Fantasia dials it down and makes it a very quiet song. It’s a very nice performance but not her best. She is in my opinion better suited to more emotional songs. This is one of the few Whitney songs that I really enjoyed when Whitney did it, and I didn’t see that Fantasia had as good a connection with the song as she has had with many other, more emotionally packed songs.

Huge cheers from the crowd nevertheless. Randy has accolades. PaulaBot blathers mechanically.  Clive: “Wow.” Simon asks, “What does it say behind you?” She turns and says, “American Idol.” She gets a little tearful because the praise tonight has been incredible. It’s like she is already the winner in the panels’ eyes.

Clive chose “Don’t Cry Out Loud” for Diana and it’s a showcase for her ability to reach the high notes. Randy thinks it’s the perfect song for her. Really? Paula is happy with the song choice too. Clive says that showed why she’s still in the competition. Simon reckons that that song just booked her a place in the final.

The 9 songs are reviewed, with each performer having her set strung together. Jas sounds the same in every song. Fantasia’s first two were awesome, the third just okay. Diana didn’t have her best night, but she is much more talented than Jasmine.

Final Remarks.  Out of these three, I obviously want to see a final 2 of Fantasia vs. Diana. I’m now rooting for Fantasia to win it all. If the incredible pile of accolades and judges’ praise results in Fantasia not receiving enough votes to advance to the end, I just might have to have an emoticon fit.

I have enjoyed Fantasia’s performances throughout this competition, from the first time I saw her, up to last night. She has had her share of “off” nights, but I think of everyone in the Top 12, she is the brightest star on the Pop Horizon.  I look forward to hearing what she does with each new song. I’ve enjoyed hearing her performances and she has tackled some of my favorite songs and made them come alive.

I’ve also enjoyed many of Diana’s performances, although she didn’t look like worthy competition last night. I still hope she makes it through to the final 2 and is able to forget about Fantasia and do her own thing. 

Results. Well, I decided to wait to post this until the results were known, just to add in the official decision. And it is – Jasmine is finally sent home. She leaves with a smile. What is Fantasia wearing? A giant handkerchief?

Ah well, it should be a good final, next week. I wasn’t worried a bit.

Thanks for reading.

AI3. Four left. Disco

Last week… what happened last week? Oh right. George got eliminated on Big Boring Band Night. Bye, George.

Tonight, after the usual idiotic joke introductions from Ryan, it’s time to do-do it to Disco.

Guest Judge Donna Summer looks good I guess, for a great-grandma. Someone at RTVT said she’s a devout Christian. Oh, is that what explains the slightly pinched, disapproving face just beneath the veneer of smarmy platitudes? Have I mentioned lately that I’m fed up with guest judges?  Anyway, I wouldn’t have recognized her if I’d tuned in half way through, without someone referring to her as Donna Summer. Her career is rehashed for all the viewers, including those whose parents weren’t even born when Disco was Big.

God, I’m old. I remember disco. I used to have platform shoes that I never actually wore to go dancing I wore them to hang around with my friend, climbing trees and fences. Teenagers were stupid in the ‘70s, too.

For her opener, Jasmine Trias excretes “Everlasting Love.”  She says, “Come on everybody,” a sure-fire way to further alienate her non-fans. I don’t wanna come on, Jasmine.  Her hair has been crimped for the mid-section and it doesn't bother me. She’s chosen a tight black dress. It might be leather but it’s probably pleather. I guess the look is disco. It’s ugly enough.

I’m so mean today. It’s actually not a bad looking outfit, not the worst she’s ever selected. But then there are a few outfits vying for the title of Worst Outfit of the Season, and no, I’m not going to dredge up their memories. I know I should. We could all do with a good laugh. Okay - here's one that comes to mind: George’s red-striped shirt that made him look like a Baskin-Robbins employee. He even did extra dipping that evening.

I like Jasmine’s hair but it looks best straight. The crimping feels genre-appropriate even though it probably isn't genre appropriate. Wasn’t hair-crimping a Big Band era thing? Or maybe it was an 80s hair band thing. Whatever. Disco is so long ago and I never crimped my hair. I don’t even remember the outfits I used to wear. Disco is really all about the dancing. I just threw on some clothes and shoes in which I could throw myself around the dance floor and went out to a local disco.

Speaking of dancing, one might call Jasmine’s movements “dancing” if one were a tree.  I call it stumping. Her dress is cut at the wrong length, making her calves seem extra thick & stumpy. As she stumps around, I notice the slit up one side of the dress, adorned by a kitschy purple lightning appliqué.  But the dress is better than the dancing & singing.

The singing.  Mr. AMAI goes, “Oh god” in a tone intended to convey something other than appreciation.  I try to identify what it is that’s wrong with the singing. Maybe those are flat notes, or what has been called “pitchy.”  The only thing I know for sure is that 3 cats howling outside would be an improvement. Mr. AMAI charitably thinks she may be coming down with a cold.

Simon judges first for a change. He thinks she knows she’s vulnerable and after that bad song choice & weak performance, his view is she’s definitely gone. Uh oh. Thanks, Simon. If her fans phone up in droves, we could have to listen to her some more, next week.  This kind of damage can’t be fixed by having Summerbot and PaulaBot lather on the mindless praise.

But wait. I have breaking news, or I would have if this were a play-by-play. Just for Jasmine, the women have elected to go with “honesty.” Donna talks of pitch problems being something to expect when “you” are performing for a huge crowd. Maybe she really means herself? Or maybe she really means Jasmine when she employs the catchall “you.” Nobody else has pitch problems and they all performed for the same audience.  Nobody was sequestered in a small intimate club with a handful of patrons knocking back booze and munching on free peanuts. Paula gives props to the dress, and agrees it was bad. Randy agrees with Simon.

As Ryan does his shtick, desperate to appear cool (he’s taken to calling Jasmine, “Jazz” fer cryin’ out loud), I finally look at him for the first time in weeks, possibly even months. Ryan Seacrest is getting fat. His face has lost that lean hungry look, and he looks like the cat that had two or three bowls of cream and a side of canary.

LaToya London does “Love You Inside & Out.” I guess I wasn’t in discos as much as I thought I. This song is completely unfamiliar. Is it one of those filler tracks that appeared on a Donna Summer album but never got released as a single? The dress is stretch Lycra in a plum/eggplant colour and she has the curves to fill it out, without unsightly lumps and bumps and rolls of pudge. She’s no stick, she’s got a booty, but she looks good. Earrings are dream-catcher hoops with 20 strands of silver spaghetti hanging to dry off each one.

I find myself wondering about her relationship with her husband. I’m assuming she’s singing this song to him – doesn’t he inspire more passion than this?  It was kind of bland and easily missed.

Simon wishes she’d tried something different. Yeah, that’s it, something different. Donna thought LaToya emoted and did a great job. Paula’s huge smile is starting to weird me out. She thinks she’s looking at the next American Table, oops I mean Idol.  Randy says it was nothing special. That must be my problem too.

I’m losing hope that I shall ever experience the WOW for LaToya as a finalist that I experienced from one of her earliest performances, of “It’s Almost Like Being in Love.” That was the last time LaToya really wowed me.

Being consistent just doesn’t seem to go hand in hand in the same person with being exciting and thrilling. Nobody can deliver exciting thrills time after time. I think we have seen solid steady professionalism on a consistent basis. LaToya is proof. A performer who can lift you higher than you thought possible will also fail to deliver from time to time and sometimes you’ll be disappointed. “Slow & steady” is not deserving of my vote for the #1 spot, when there are two performers who can deliver thrilling performances.

Her professional polish has become a liability, in my view, because she isn’t standing out at this crucial point in the competition. There’s going for a marathon and there’s leaving your run too late.

Fantasia Barrino performs Amy Stewart’s “Knock On Wood.” She’s in jeans, with a one-shoulder hot pink & black top. She’s got a belly button ring. Big pink earrings. There are a lot of yeah yeahs. She finishes up with a sultry glance at the end. It’s pretty good, but it’s not her best. I’m afraid I’ve been saying that a little much lately.

Simon pretzels, “The person who should win is somebody who is different. And what you have is you are different.”  But I am idiotically pleased because Simon likes the one who has been my favorite for a long time. DonnaBot blathers on and on about Fantasia’s wonderful qualities. It seems phony to me, coming as it does from a guest judge who doesn’t give the impression she’s really been watching all season. Her hundred positive comments are meaningless accolades layered on without context. PaulaBot babbles but that’s par for her course. Randy hits the nail on the head when he says to Fantasia, “Dude, you got it going on.”  Calling her “dude” seems appropriate. There is something kind of butch about her.

The song was pretty good, but again not one of her “wow” performances. I think the problem from the perspective of song choice is that mainly, disco sucks. It’s not a genre particularly well suited to showcasing singers, since it’s more about fast music for dancing. Oh well, let’s push forward.

Diana Degarmo’s first performance is “This Is It.” She wants us up and on our feet, as always. Not even for you, Diana. I’m worn out by Survivor.  But I do commend her outfit here: a very pretty pink dress that fits well, shows off her big tits without accentuating her tummy. She looks curvy and womanly without looking slutty or even particularly chubby. Excellent outfit.

She’s belting out the song. It’s one of her better performances, but not an A grade. Minimum solid B.

Simon has wonderful praise for her: he no longer thinks she’s too young for this competition. She has shown the most growth. The Bot Sisters babble and whatever Randy said slid right by me. It was probably positive, because Simon’s comment was.

We’ve been having a lot of ad breaks, as always. I didn’t bother to note when or how many. I only know that at some points there were ads, and at other points there was singing. One time, we got super-sized: two songs without an intervening ad break. There was probably an ad break just now. Now they start the rotation over to see who, if anyone, can deliver a “WOW” performance.

Jasmine wants us all dancing. She’s changed outfits; now she has a pink top and blue jeans. Her choice: “It’s Raining Men.”  How appropriate. Jasmine actually sounds good. For the first time ever I really think she might have a future as a singer and it might even be within my ability to remember her when she breaks out with her first single.  I didn’t notice that she missed lyrics, because I got distracted by Mr. AMAI’s game of Castlevania.

Simon didn’t like the choice of song. The Bots followed his lead and harped on about pitch and missed lyrics and I don’t know what else. Randy treats the other comments like a buffet table and selects a little of this and a little of that. Jazz is crying and we get a close-up of the tears falling as Ryan gives her a hug.

“Don’t Leave Me This Way” is LaToya’s second choice. Short denim skirt, white jacket and a woolen something. Actually this was pretty good, one of her better songs. Not wow-worthy, but if she’s going to start her run for the finish line, every performance from here on in has to show depth and connect with more people. Simon liked it, saying “that was more like it.” It was also as “good as the original.” Donna: “Fabulous.” Paula: “Stunning.” Randy “Props for you.” Producers: running short on time.

Fantasia’s second song is “Holding Out For A Hero.” Is this even Disco? Does Fantasia have a problem selecting songs from the given genre? Do her fans even care?

For this number she is in black. Orange round circle earrings. The midriff bearing look isn’t her best.  However, I did like her performance of this song. Yea. Woo! Which would be “half a wow.” Simon didn’t like it and Fantasia backchats, “I’m lookin’ for a good man.” The Bot sisters agree, with Donna adding she would love Fantasia singing the newspaper (or was that the phone book?) Paula didn’t like the song either but I don’t believe anything out of her anymore. She always has so much more praise for the less charismatic and barely talented. Randy says, “No matter what song you choose, you can sing.” I agree with that.  Fantasia is still my favorite at the moment.

Diana does Donna Summer’s “No More Tears.” She’s also changed into a black outfit comprised of a sparkly top and matt black pants.

To begin the quiet intro part, Diana is seated at the edge of the stage on that little step that has seen quite a bit of action this season. Then she gets up, and as the song picks up, she grabs it and takes it & us for a real roller coaster ride. She really blows me away. This awesome performance gets my vote for best of the night. Her voice has gone from strength to strength. Diana is my new favorite. Again. As you may be aware, I’ve liked her throughout, but she had some shaky weeks. Also, just when the others are leveling off, with no extra ability to pull out of seeming nowhere, Diana demonstrates she has a fifth gear and knows how to move into it.

Simon gives total respect for her control of the song. Summer says she dedicated herself to it. And more blah blah from Paula and Randy, which I miss because I’m having to argue with Mr. AMAI, who is taking it personally that I like this song. Diana’s performance inspired me to want to take charge in any situation that has me feeling down, used & abused. And I was thinking of work stuff, and of my friend who’s having her own problems. It was a great performance. I am beginning to think that Diana could win the whole thing and that she would deserve to.

Concluding Remarks.  Overall, I’m a little tired of this show. I may be getting tired of reality TV in general. Perhaps it’s just the spectre of my far from finished Survivor finale recap that’s got me feeling blah.  But the genres of music are generally sucking and one “wow” performance out of 8 songs is not enough.

With Diana having Best of the Night, I’d have to say the only other performance that I really liked was, funnily enough, Jasmine’s “It’s Raining Men.” I thought it was her personal best. I’m probably in the minority on this. It’ll be ironic if she gets booted this week.

I rate Diana the best, LaToya and Fantasia equal second place and Jasmine seriously inconsistent and out of her league. She deserves to leave; however, I will not be surprised if LaToya is eliminated. No. Wait a sec. Actually, I will be surprised if her fan base deserts her now. What I mean is I won’t be disappointed. A final two of Diana v. Fantasia would be awesome. These two are willing to take risks. When they deliver a fabulous performance, they knock it out of the stadium.

Thanks for reading.